


Scars on my Heart

by thelosersparty



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: 1980's, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Blood and Violence, Bullying, Coming of Age, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Self-Acceptance, Sexual Harassment, Slow Burn, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13440048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelosersparty/pseuds/thelosersparty
Summary: Richie and Eddie have been best friends since the 3rd grade, and they promise they'll be there for each other through everything. There's nothing like a few tormentors and a jumbled up mess of feelings to challenge what they believe to be true.





	1. Coming Clean

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is the first fanfiction I've ever posted on here. It may suck, but oh well. I hope you enjoy it anyways. I'm halfway through reading the book, and I haven't sat down and watched the movie in a continuous run yet. The main source of inspiration I'm using for the characters is Tumblr. Let's see how that goes. They're about 15-16 in this and will get older.

Eddie was sitting on his bed doing his math homework, frustrated that he’s been on the same problem for 20 minutes when he heard rapid knocking on his window. He turned to see Richie right outside.

‘Were those scratches on his face?’ Eddie thought. He went to go open the window wondering what Richie was doing at his house when he told him he had to stay after school for detention. Eddie unlocked the hinges and pulled the windowsill up with both of his hands.

Richie climbed through. Although, Eddie didn’t know how he did it. He looked pretty banged up with two wide gashes on his knees, bruises running up and down both his arms, and the scratches on his face being more prominent up close. “Did you walk home alone ok?” he asked.

“Fuck that! What happened to you?” Eddie said, concern prevalent in his voice.

“Oh…” Richie looked down at his shorts that were stained with blood which presumably belonged to someone else, and his ripped up Hawaiian shirt “Nothing, just ran into some dumb shitheads. They roughed me up a little, but it doesn’t even hurt that bad,” he brushed it off like it was nothing.

“A little!” Eddie yelled, hoping to honest God that his mom didn’t hear him. He was afraid she’d come into his bedroom and freak out about him being this close to Richie in his condition. She’d probably say he’d contract hepatitis. “Those could get infected if you don’t clean them up,” He said while lowering his voice and pointing frantically to all of Richie’s injuries. He sighed and grabbed Richie’s hand to lead him to the edge of his bed. “Wait here.”

Richie did as he was told and laid down with both hands behind his head until Eddie came back from the bathroom with a first aid kit. He sat up and inched closer to Eddie who was sitting down and setting the supplies to one side.

Eddie started by dabbing a wet washcloth all over Richie’s face, applying the right amount of pressure to sweep away the leftover blood from the cuts.

Richie looked at him fondly. “You’re so cute when you’re worried about me, Eds.” He pushed a stray hair out of Eddie’s face while he worked. 

“Shut up, and don’t call me that,” Eddie snapped, putting the washcloth down. He grabbed the bottle of antiseptic and a few cotton balls and swiped it across the wounds on Richie’s knees.

Richie scrunched up his nose at the pain. “Fuck,” he mouthed.

Eddie applied Neosporin to the same areas and asked, “Why’d they beat you up so bad?” He sounded stern, because Eddie had never seen him look so defeated.

“They called you a queer, and started insulting you in the hallway at school. I went up to them and told them to stop. One guy didn’t, so I pushed him. I told him he could go suck a bunch of dicks until he reached oblivion. Then, they all started ganging up on me,” Richie said.

Eddie paused while putting on the cleansing liquid and tried to find the right words to say “Richie, you didn’t have to do that. It’s fine.”

“Of course I had to do it! I’m sick and tired of people treating you like shit. You don’t deserve that, Spaghetti Man.” He told Eddie and gave a tiny smirk. “What? No thank you for being your knight in shining armor?”

Eddie stared at him, an unnerving feeling coursing through his veins. It wasn’t uncommon that their classmates picked on Eddie. He had to deal with it his whole life. After all, he was abnormally small for his age and not considered masculine by a majority of people. The teasing got worse when they got to high school, and the rude name-calling became a daily occurrence. He’s always been confused about his sexuality, but he made an effort to bury his feelings deep down until they were almost nonexistent. Hearing that he was the reason for Richie getting harmed made his throat want to close up. He had to dig up all of those suppressed emotions.

If not now, then never.

“Rich… I think I actually do like boys,” Eddie admitted, refusing to make eye contact and instead looked towards the corner of the room. “I’ve kind of known for awhile. I just didn’t want to tell anyone. I thought if I ever did that sort of stuff would happen all the time. Please don’t do that again. I don’t want you getting hurt because of me. It’s not your fault that I’m like this. I’m s-” He stopped, believing he’d tear up if he didn’t and started putting thick band-aids on both of Richie’s scabbed knees.

Richie gapped at Eddie, not quite knowing how to react to this sudden confession. When Eddie finished patching him up, Richie reached out and grabbed Eddie’s hands. He ran his thumbs back and forth on the well moisturized skin.

Eddie looked up at him with eyes that were filled with terrible sadness and something else hidden underneath.

Richie attempted to comfort him more. “Hey, it’s ok. You’re ok. You don’t need to feel ashamed. You’re safe with me. I’ll always protect you from idiots like that. It’s totally worth getting beat up for. No one’s going to touch you I can do anything about it.” He squeezed his hands tightly so Eddie knew he meant it.

A smile formed on Eddie’s face, a genuine one that was only for Richie. He felt incredibly brave in that moment knowing Richie supported him. With their hands still clasped, Eddie gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. It was so abrupt that Richie unintentionally moved a little sideways and Eddie barely missed his lips. They both blushed madly. “Thank you,” Eddie said.

Richie pushed his thick rimmed glasses up on the bridge of his nose, burning up inside. “No problem, Eds.” He stood up, letting go of Eddie’s hands. “Well, I better get going lassie. Me mum has to give me a wee trim of the hair. Ol’ basturd’s getting long,” he said in his “best” Irish accent.

“Beep beep, Richie,” Eddie said while rolling his eyes. He stood up too, planning to walk over to the window to open it for him when Richie grabbed his forearm and slid his hands around his neck.

Richie shuffled his feet and pulled Eddie in until they could hear each other’s breath hitching. Eddie’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. He was about to ask Richie what he was doing when he beat him to talking with another question.

Richie hesitantly asked, “Is this alright?” moving in so that their bodies were pressed up together. They both enjoyed each other’s warmth. His hands dropped from Eddie’s neck to his shoulders, unaware of the heat radiating off of them. He was too focused on Eddie’s face. He took notice of the light smattering of freckles across the center of it and thought he definitely looked cuter up close.

“Yes,” Eddie said. He stood on his tip toes and pressed his lips to Richie’s in a chaste kiss. Richie stood there with his eyes wide open, too shocked to reciprocate at first. Then, he closed his eyes and opened his mouth against Eddie’s. Eddie kissed back with just as much intensity. They continued kissing for an amount of time that was considered too short for either of them, faces heavily red and heartbeats racing a mile per second.

Eddie was the first one to pull away, because he was running out of breath. He saw that Richie had a wide grin on his face and was pretty sure he did too. Eddie giggled softly, “See you at school tomorrow.”

Richie actually walked over to the window to climb out this time when Eddie followed him and asked, “Did you even have detention?”

“Yeah, I did. I saw those bullies there and bailed. Believe it or not, I don’t have a death wish,” Richie said. He got a hold on the tree and went back outside glancing at Eddie again. He felt as though he was seeing him in a completely new way. This revelation caused a bubbling feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t know what it was.

Eddie crossed his arms over the railing and said, “Of course,” giving him an affectionate smile. Richie climbed back down the tree and Eddie went back to his bed and tossed his unfinished homework on his desk. He sat with his back against the headboard thinking ‘What just happened?’


	2. Alleywalks and Small Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Mike is homeschooled, but he’s not in this story. Hehe.

All of the losers were sitting in Algebra 2 besides Stan, because he was in one of the more advanced math classes. Eddie sat behind Richie and stared at the back of his head for the remainder of the period, completely zoning out on what their teacher had to say.

“Mr. Kaspbrak, can you tell me what the square root of two hundred and fifty-six is?” He was pulled out of his thoughts.

“Erm, is it...” He anxiously rapped his nails on his desk.

“It’s sixteen,” Richie whispered under his breath so only Eddie could hear.

“Sixteen,” he answered quickly.

“Yes, it is. Please pay attention so next time I ask you a question you won’t need Mr. Tozier’s help.” Their teacher gave Eddie a pointed look and went back to her desk.

Eddie's face turned bright red. Richie turned around and gave him a mocking smile. “Are you enjoying the view, Eds? I know I’m attractive, but you gotta focus. We have a test next week.”

His face turned even redder. “I want to talk about what happened yesterday.”

Richie immediately responded, “Do we have to?” Now it was his turn to blush.

“Of course we have to idiot, you can’t just randomly kiss someone and then forget about it.”

"It wasn't random. I was thinking about doing it for awhile, and when you told me you were gay... I thought that was perfect timing."

Beverly who was sitting next to Richie tapped him on the arm and shushed them both. "Can you two flirt after class? Some of us actually want to pass our sophomore year." She rolled her eyes in a playful way.

"We can flirt anytime we want, Ronald MarshDonald," Richie said, louder than he meant to. A few of their classmates whipped their heads around and gave the three of them weird looks. The bell rang to signal the end of the day just in time. Eddie was thankful they didn't have to endure any homophobic slurs thrown their way.

Richie and Eddie were the first ones out the door. Richie headed straight for it, almost tripping a few times. Eddie followed behind him in a fast-paced walk. "Hey, what's wrong with you?" Eddie asked, slightly annoyed. Richie spared him a glance. "I just want to know why you did it."

Stan came out of his class and joined them. "That was the most boring lesson I've ever had to sit through." He brushed off his shirt pocket and internally shamed himself for his apathetic tone. Beverly, Bill, and Ben caught up to them and they all walked outside.

"What do you guys want to do?" Bill asked.

"Let's go to the quarry. I found a shortcut last week when I was on my way home." Beverly responded.

They all agreed except for Stan. "I can't. I have some stuff to take care of."

"What s-stuff?" Bill asked.

"None of your business. Just stuff." Stan grumbled and walked off in the opposite direction they were going in.

They all stared back at him in mild shock. "Uh, should we go after him?" Ben asked.

"No, he probably just has his boxer briefs in a twist from sitting in that upright position like a fucking tree. He's fine," Richie responded.

Beverly started walking the other way. "Follow me than." They did for 1 more block, cutting through a few streets and rounding off a corner until they reached a narrow, dark alley that seemed to be giving off "don't go through here" vibes. The roofs of the buildings shielded the sunlight from hitting the slated ground. Busted pipes hung from the top and had water steadily dripping from their ends which was the only sound that could be heard above their talking. Scrabbly figures were painted onto the walls, faded from years of wear. There wasn't anyone else in sight besides the 6 of them. She didn't hesitate to keep on her assured path, but the boys did. 

Eddie held his breath. "Can't we just go back and take the normal route? These places reek of dangerous fumes. I can tell." He stayed behind while the rest of them went in. "Guys, don't risk it!" 

Richie waved a hand at him, "Come on, Eddie Spaghetti. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can cuddle by the water." 

Eddie shot Richie a death glare. "Don't mess with me right now. I'm upset with you." 

Richie was surprised at Eddie's rashness but feigned a look of innocence. "Be upset with me later." He grabbed Eddie's hand and held it tight enough so he couldn't pull it away. 

Eddie tried to escape Richie's grasp anyways, but he failed to do so. Richie started to guide Eddie down the alley. Eddie rapidly waved his free hand in the air in protest. "You know, if I die in here... It's going to be your fault and you'll hear from my mother." 

Richie smirked. "I heard a lot from your mother when we hooked up last night. I can't wait to hear more." 

Eddie pushed him with enough force to make Richie let go of his hand but continued walking. "Will you shut the fuck up! God, I hate you." He slammed his clenched fists down. 

Richie pouted his lips. "We both know that isn't true." 

"What are you two blabbering about?" Mike who was the closest one to them asked.

Richie ruffled Eddie's hair while saying, "Just how me and Eddie's mom were making sweet love until midnight." 

Mike shook his head in disapproval. "Sorry I asked." He went further up until he was walking next to Ben. 

Richie put his hand back down and bit his lip. He kept staring at Eddie for the rest of the walk. Eddie paid attention to his footsteps and pretended not to notice. 

They reached the end of the alley. "See? You didn't get killed by toxic fumes. Although, I think I let one loose a few seconds ago. You survive that, you can survive anything." 

Eddie was still aggravated but let out a small laugh. "Beep beep, Richie." 

Soon, they were sprinkled with tiny raindrops. The sky above them turned a light gray, clouds slowly vanishing from sight. The air smells faintly of mildew and something bitter. 

Bill looked up and wiped the rain off his face. "S-shit. This is g-great." A blue mustang was driving by the curb and stopped right in front of the alley. 

One of the passengers rolled their windows down. "Hey, red! I just got a new paycheck. Wanna come over to my place and help me spend it?" Victor Criss, shouted and let out an obnoxious guffaw. 

Bill took Beverly's hand in his and started walking down a street lit up with neon signs. He kept eye contact and flipped him off. 

The rest of them followed and the Bowers gang drove away. It started pouring hard when they weren't near them anymore. The losers couldn't see much including where each other were which caused them all to go in separate stores in the chain. They split up with Bill and Beverly going into a laundry mat, Ben and Mike going into a Chinese takeout restaurant, and Richie and Eddie going into a mattress store. 

Richie and Eddie ran in with their clothes and hair soaked into a lavish room full of king, queen, and full-sized mattresses aligned parallel to each other from the door, red velvet carpeting, and a golden chandelier hanging from the ceiling. It was presumably empty except for the male sales associate who wore a business suit and a bluetooth in his ear. "Um, can I help you boys?" he asked.

They both looked at each other, wondering what to do. Richie took off his glasses and started cleaning them on his shirt. "Look outside, my dude. Mother nature's being a bitch today. Be a dear and let us use your phone to call our parents." 

"Oh, ok. Let me see if I can fetch it from the back." he replied in a upbeat voice. 

"Thank you," Eddie said, in advance. He took Richie's glasses and got out a clean lens wipe from his fanny pack. "Here, let me." 

Richie shrugged and went over to sit on the purple, cushioned seats in front of the reception desk. He almost missed and landed on his butt on the floor, but he didn't. Eddie went with and sat next to him. 

He finished cleaning Richie's glasses and gave them back to him. Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie, giving him a half-hug. "What would I do without you, my love?" 

"You'd probably be dead in a ditch somewhere." Eddie didn't know if he meant to be kidding or not. 

Richie laughed anyways. "You're probably right." He retracted his arm. "So, you want to talk about yesterday?" 

"Yeah, I do but not if you're going to make stupid jokes or change the topic or give me some lame ass excuse just so you can flirt with me some more," Eddie answered, honestly. 

"Oh, Eddie. Have you met me?" He punched Richie in the arm. "Ow! Jesus, you hit hard for such a tiny person."

Eddie felt bad and rubbed the spot that he made red.

Richie looked like he was trying to choose his words carefully which was unlike him. 

Eddie almost didn't want to hear his answer, but he was about to listen with intent. 

"I don't know why I did it... it was a mistake. I guess I was just caught up in the moment. It was nothing." He shrugged. 

Eddie's mouth hung open, his whole body flaring up until he couldn't move or breathe. He wheezed out, "What... what the fuck do you mean? You're the one that kissed me, not the other way around. You can't just play with my feelings like that you asshole!" 

"Well, you're the one that- that kissed me back! I'm sorry, Eds. How can I make it up to you?" Richie tried to hold Eddie's hand, but Eddie snatched it away. He unzipped his fanny pack, got out his inhaler and took a whiff.

In a fit of rage, Eddie headed for the door and muttered, "I'm leaving. This is ridiculous. Trashmouth Tozier strikes again, but this time right through my heart. Well, good fucking riddance." 

Richie moved to block the entrance. "Eddie! You can't go out there. It's still raining. You'll get fucking sick." 

"I'd rather catch a cold than be in the same room as you right now." He tried to push through. Richie grabbed Eddie from behind to stop him from going outside. 

The sales associate came back with a yellow, rotary dial phone. He hummed his way down the store. "Uh, am I interrupting something?" 

Richie let go of Eddie. They both smiled awkwardly at him. "No," they said at the same time. 

He smiled brightly and handed the phone to Richie. "Here you go. I'm sorry I took so long. I had to look through storage." 

"You have great timing..." Richie took it. He got close enough that he could read his name tag. "Pennywise." Richie raised his eyebrows. "Huh, that's an interesting name." 

He nodded and said, "It's German." He left them once again to make their phone calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only going to get more angsty, folks.


	3. I Got the Recess Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't written so long for those of you that have been waiting for me to update. I've kind of left the It fandom, so I wasn't feeling inspired to continue this story for a long time. I will try to finish it though! Here's some background on how they met and a cheeky cliffhanger.

Maggie Tozier pulled up on the curb and got out of her car with a huge umbrella in her hands. She ushered Richie and Eddie over and covered them. Richie opened the passenger door for Eddie and then got in after. She ran around and got back in the driver’s seat. “Whew. Quite the storm, right boys? This is the worse one we’ve had in weeks. The Derry News is shit at predicting forecasts.” She softly chuckled. 

“Yeah, mom.” Eddie buckled his seatbelt and awkwardly fiddled with his fingers. Richie watched him with amusement. 

Maggie looked back through the rearview mirror and saw that Eddie was tense which wasn't completely unusual but her motherly instincts took over. "Are you alright, Eddie?"

Eddie's head shot up and he sputtered out, "Yeah- I mean yes. Yes, Mrs. Tozier. I'm fine- just feeling a little down because of this weather. Thanks for the concern." 

Maggie turned around once they were at a red light in suspicion. Richie was cackling by now with his hands holding his stomach. Maggie frowned at her son, "Richard, calm down." 

Richie couldn't stop finding Eddie's discomfort amusing. His laughter eventually died down. They were almost to Eddie's house when Maggie remembered the importance of today's date. "Hey, boys. Today's the day that you both met each other. That's neat. I remember Richie coming home and yammering on all about you, Eddie."

Eddie turned to Richie and saw a faint blush on his cheeks. It was his turn to laugh. "Oh, yeah. I remember it like it was yesterday."

~

Eddie Kaspbrak sat by himself underneath a huge tree and picked at his nails. He looked out at the large playground and decided to people watch instead of playing. The sun was blazing above his head and he was beginning to get hot in his overalls and sneakers. The dirt underneath him seemed to be sticking to his clothes but he didn’t mind as long as he wasn’t going down the dirty slides or swings. He looked over at the monkey bars and witnessed a red-headed girl try to do a flip and fall to the ground in tears. He’d much rather be sitting by himself. After all, there are no safety hazards under here. He did feel a little lonely as well, repeating this routine every day since he moved to Derry. There’s a little part of him that wishes he had friends to talk to. 

A orange and black soccer ball came hurtling towards his face. He didn’t have time to dodge it, so it hit him square in the nose. He held his nose and curled his legs to his stomach. A skinny boy with huge glasses came running up to him to retrieve the ball. He picked up and the noticed that Eddie’s nose was bleeding. “I’m sorry. Are you alright?” He sat down in front of him and crossed his legs while still holding the ball. 

Eddie peered up at him and burst into tears. Richie scooted back in surprise. Their teacher came over. “What’s going on here?” She forced Eddie to look up at her and gasped. “Richie, could you please take Eddie to the nurse and tell her I sent you?” He nodded his head rapidly and passed the ball back to a skinny boy with brown hair who was waiting patiently for him to continue their game. 

He extended a hand for the small boy to hold, but he didn’t take it. He carefully observed the speckles of mud and peculiar stains on Richie’s hand and scrunched up his nose in disgust. “My mommy says you should always wash your hands when they’re dirty.” He stood up on his own, and started walking away. Richie caught up to him and they walked down the grassy trail leading back to their school together. “I don’t like to wash them.”

Eddie didn’t respond. Instead, he looked down and continued walking. He was wiping the blood off his nose on his sleeve when Richie asked, “What’s your name? Mine’s Richard, but my friends call me Richie.” Eddie made eye contact with him for the first time, and Richie gasped. He’s never seen anyone prettier in his life. “My name’s Edward, but I like to be called Eddie.” He gave a small smile and began to feel better. 

Richie cheered up as well. “That’s kind of long. Can I call you Eds?” Richie moved to lessen the gap between them so they were walking closer. Eddie giggled. “It has the same amount of letters as your name, but ok. You can if you want to.” They went into the building and made their way to the nurse’s office which was the first door on the right when they walked in. 

Richie knocked on the door and a woman with long, graying hair and cat shaped spectacles answered. She towered over the both of them and looked pretty intimidating to two seven year olds. She had her hands on her hips and asked, “What seems to be the issue with this young man?” 

“I was playing soccer with my friend, Bill and I accidentally kicked the ball into his face. Now his nose is bleeding.” She sighed heavily and ushered Eddie into her office. She pointed at Richie. “You can go back to class.” 

“No, let him stay please,” Eddie pleaded. Richie was already moving to stay by his side. The nurse rolled her eyes and said, “Fine, but don’t make any noise.” Eddie stepped up to the examination table and obediently sat. Richie followed him, but he put both of his hands on the flimsy surface and jumped up. The nurse handed Eddie a box of tissues and told him to tilt his head back. “It should stop in a few minutes. Don’t move or get blood anywhere.” Eddie was abnormally neat for a 3rd grader, so he didn’t have any problems with those instructions. 

She left the room to go eat her lunch in the staff workroom across the hall and left Richie and Eddie alone. “She’s kind of mean,” Richie said. Eddie shook his head. “She was just trying to help me.” When his nose stopped bleeding, he threw the red tissues into a bin next to the exam table. He sat there and swung his legs back and forth in silence. Richie spent this time looking over at Eddie’s face, taking in his long eyelashes and button nose and soft lips. Eddie noticed and started blushing. 

“I’m sorry again for hurting you. I’ll never do it again,” Richie said. “It’s ok. I’m good now.” Eddie gave Richie a timid smile and Richie responded with a more confident one. “Well, Eds. I hope we can be friends. You’re pretty cute!” Richie pinched Eddie’s cheeks with both of his hands. Eddie’s eyes widened. “Stop doing that!” He grabbed Richie’s wrists and held them still. 

Richie laughed, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. He put his hands down in his lap. “Okay.”

They left the nurses office with big smiles on their faces resulting in a disgruntled lady watching them leave after she came back. 

~

Eddie recounted the fond memory and zoned out for the longest time. He figured it was alright because Richie and his mom were going off on tangents about the most random things when he tuned back in. By the time they got to his house, it was already dark outside. He gave Maggie a quick "thanks" and left the car without saying goodbye to Richie. He walked to the door with a million thoughts running through his mind.

He doesn't want to believe that he could possibly lose his best friend since elementary school over something as silly as an unrequited crush. It still frustrates him that Richie would play with his feelings like that. It's like he was using him as a guinea pig to test out if he was actually gay which isn't right. He decides to suck it up in order to save their friendship. He isn't going to let his feelings get in the way of whatever they have at least as long as he can help it.

Once he gets home, he showers for an hour to make sure he scrubs off all of the dirt and grime that might have clung to his body when he was in that alley and also the sticky raindrops. He gets into bed and is thankful that he gets to have a good night sleep. He doesn't and was totally not expecting to have the strangest nightmare...


End file.
